I’ve been writing and rewriting this post for nearly a month now. Had I been writing with pen and paper, I’d have a mound of balled up paper by now. I’ve debated and doubted and questioned. I’ve stalled by doing hours of urgent cleaning, organizing, Facebook prowling and reading. At the root of my hesitation lives fear. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of failure. Fear of taking on too much or not taking on enough.
“Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
― Steven Pressfield, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles
Children seem to be born with a PhD in dreaming. Their days are filled with tales of big audacious dreams that completely disregard limitations, expectations, fear and failure. I remember as a child I had grand visions of becoming an astronaut, architect, and paleontologist. My three year old son recently informed us he’s getting a winter home when he turns sixteen.
Source: anna.hawaii via flickr creative commons
However, something happens along the way. We start to age. We become more refined and educated. We learn what can be done and what can’t. Other people tell us what we should be doing and pile their expectations on us.
If we’re lucky, one day, we’ll get tired of it all and lose interest in our boring, safe lives. We’ll start to dream again and wonder what would happen if…
This is where I was a few months ago when I saw an article about God-sized dreams–those desires in our heart for more of what God has for us. It sounded daring and bold. Who was this Holley Gerth lady who dared to dream unsafe dreams? With a few dreams of my own starting to brew in my head, I grew curious about this God-Sized Dream Team she talked about and nervously completed the application to join. I’m not sure what scared me more–writing out my dreams for someone else to see or the prospects of them actually coming true.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve had the opportunity to take in Holley’s wisdom and also to encourage and be encouraged by other dreamers. I’ve wanted to write about my dreams but kept letting fear get the best of me.
While at church last Wednesday, I began to weep as the story of Sarah, Abraham’s wife, popped into my head. When told at the age of 90 she’d have a son a year later, Sarah laughed. She thought it ridiculous. How could she at her age, be used to bear a child? During that moment at church, I felt a bit Sarah-ish. I had God-sized dreams; but deep down, I was laughing at God, too. How was He going to use me with all my shortcomings and failings? What authority did I have to do God-sized things when there were so many other more qualified women around? What if everything was a big failure? Surely, I’d gotten my dreams mixed up with someone else.
I weeped because of my unbelief in God’s ability to provide His best in my life. That was enough to minister to me, but later in the service, our pastor took a few moments to speak over me and my husband in front of the entire congregation. As he spoke, it was if God had reached down from heaven, wrapped His arm around me to say, I got you girl.
As a side note, I must mention it was my son Samuel who really pushed us going to church on this particular night. The first thing out of his mouth when he woke up in the morning and when he came home from school was, “Are we going to church?” One of the meanings of the name Samuel is, God has heard. It’s the name Rebekah gave her son after many years of barreness in spite of her deep longings for a child.
That night as I left church, I truly believed God had heard me–heard my desires, my fears and my doubts; and He loved me still the same.
Is anything to difficult for the Lord? - Genesis 18:14
I love Steve Pressfield’s rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it. Yes, there’s a vulnerability and danger in sharing your dreams with others. They may very well laugh or think you nuts. You may even fail. However, far better to pursue the big, audacious dreams, than to live without ever putting anything on the line.
Source: jillallyn via flickr creative commons
So, what are my God-sized dreams? Here are the ones I’m focusing on this year:
- To grow a ministry of writing and speaking that encourages and inspires generations of moms to pursue motherhood with great intention and passion.
- To write and publish books for women and young girls.
- To be debt-free.
The small voice telling me all the reasons these things won’t come to past is still there. However, I’ve been reminded that Sarah’s laughing wasn’t the end of her story. She did indeed have a son named Isaac. Likewise, these doubts don’t have to be the end of mine. Stay tuned for updates…
Kacey,
I love it when the Universe conspires to MAKE you pay attention to the Voice and the Will of God. Beautiful.
Keep dreaming sister.
Peace and good,
Chelle
Chelle recently posted..Fϋr Elise
Well, I don’t know where my post went, but I’ll try again. I just love this story. God sometimes reaches down from Heaven to assure us of His faith in us, in our dreams, in His plans for us. Sometimes God appears as a glimmer…and sometimes as a neon sign. And sometimes a small voice, and sometimes a boom that overtakes that little voice of doubt and fear. I am excited for you Kacey. God is speaking loud and clear. And if He is for you who can come against you. He will do more than you can immeasurably, unimaginably more than you can ask or imagine. So proud of you. God bless you!!!
Elise Daly Parker recently posted..Have You Ever Had a Dream Turn Into a Nightmare?
Yeah Kacey! You did it. And God met you so clearly. I have chills as I read of how God reached down from heaven to speak to you and your son. Wow…I’d call this a neon sign moment. Sometimes God speaks softly and sometimes He yells His truth by making it undeniable. Do you hear Him blaring His faith in you and love for you? He is louder than that puny doubt-voice and He is able to do immeasurably more Kacey than you can think, ask or imagine. He delights in this and He delights in you. I just love this story!
Your words of encouragement are right on time. Thanks you!
Those are such wonderful dreams you’re pursuing! Glad to hear of them through Holley’s link up. I know what you mean about kids coming in to life with a PhD in dreaming and how we lose that as we age. My husband often quotes another similar idea: “we go into school as question marks and leave as periods.” I think this happens to me within dreams, too—this losing the dream-ness. Praying God sustains your dreams with fresh energy and enthusiasm daily!
So glad you posted this – I am well aquainted with those feeling of fear but what an amazing feeling when we start to break through. So blessed to be on this journey with you and all the other ladies. This is a whole lot easier when you are surrounded by cheerleaders. :-)
I will be praying for you!
Melissa recently posted..Facing Fear ~ Finding Your Purpose
I’m with you. It’s hard to do big things without good people around to support you.
This year I launched out into what I know God has called me to do–and that is to teach His people how to fulfill their divine purpose. I have begun with a small group in our church, and we have made a commitment to meet once a month in addition to our daily fellowship with God to get His divine direction.
You are moving in the right direction! You have acknowledged your calling and you have written it down. Now start declaring it by saying “I am…..”, then just do it! You will be amazed to see how God will begin to unfold your purpose and open doors for you that you never could have thought were possible.
I’m looking forward to seeing what God has in store for you!
That’s so cool! I didn’t know you were doing that. Yes, acknowledging our calling can be a pretty hard step. I’m still shocked I talked about writing, speaking and ministry in my post…but more on that next week. :)
“The small voice telling me all the reasons these things won’t come to past is still there.” I couldn’t help but think of the Casting Crowns’ song, “Voice of Truth” “But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story.”
Wonderful post, Kacey.
Joan recently posted..7 Encouraging Quotes to Impact Your Life
Great quotes and thoughts from Stephen Pressfield. His books are wonderful! Just love seeing your dreams in writing, in public. I found it equal parts frightening and exhilarating-did you?
I love your story of you weeping in church and can empathize. There is something amazing about how scripture can just pierce through any armor we are wearing and get right into the tenderest part of our heart. I have had periods when, week after week, I would make sure I had plenty of kleenex as I headed into church, sure that God would be breaking down some new stronghold. :-)
I especially encourage you on your travels to debt freedom. We are there, and it was an integral piece of opening the door to new opportunities for us. Plus, the weight that lifts from your shoulders is incredible, especially because most of us don’t realize how crushing it is. I even mentioned it in my post this week as part of my journey through fear. :-)
Kim recently posted..Moving from Scaredy Cat to Too Darn Happy
War of Art is GREAT! I’ve heard so many people talking about it and saw my library had an audio copy. I’ve been listening to it on the work and am pretty sure I’ll buy a copy. Frightening and exhilarating? Yes and yes! Thanks for reading today. I’m going to check out your post too.
Kacey,
I loved your post. It gave me freedom to release the dream I had tucked behind my other thoughts. Thanks for posting this.
Yes, do go for it!! Let’s get some stuff done this year.
Kasey, thank you for writing this. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I just woke up (little earlier than normal) with one of my very long ago, smushed down dreams on my heart. It was the truly crazy one that I placed in God’s hands and said good bye to. I had just been dreaming about it and just how it might come to be. It was surely worth a giggle because it involves others than myself (who make the whole dream even more improbable) and can I just say this really was only a dream, that’s the likelihood of things ever working out like that. I debated going back to bed for a few extra minutes or using the time and staying up and decided to check my email…then read your post. It was as if you were speaking to me. : ) Thank you!
Btw, the time says 4:31, I didn’t wake up THAT early! I would have been back in bed for sure in that case!! (It’s really 5:31…which seems hugely different to me when I’m talking about waking up!!! Hahaha!)
Christine Wright recently posted..Bloom
Wow, that is beyond words. Pull those dreams out and let God amaze you at what He can do.